He could not openly tell even himself for a long time what had happened to him. The fear of judgment, condemnation and shame – three walls that kept him silent for two years. Panic attacks, insomnia, suicide attempts. And then – the first call to the Center for Assistance to the Rescued. Today he tells his story so that others know: help exists, and seeking it is not a weakness.
For reasons of safety and confidentiality the name and certain circumstances are not disclosed.
“I was like a spring that was about to snap“
The path to the first consultation at the Center for Assistance to the Rescued took our protagonist more than two years. After the de-occupation and the events that happened to him, he returned to active life: worked a lot, socialized with friends, supported his family. From the outside it seemed that everything was fine. But inside a catastrophe was unfolding.
«For a little more than two years I stayed silent and carried it all inside. I told no one and worked very hard. There was a complete denial of what happened, as if it was some mistake and it didn’t happen to me. Here I am – working, I have a life, friends, work, parents… And it’s just such tension. Like a spring that is constantly being compressed and you already feel it creak, that it will snap any moment», – he says.
Over time the anxiety developed into severe panic attacks that he could not control, and suicidal thoughts appeared. The man learned about the Center for Assistance to the Rescued from an acquaintance. By that time he already understood that coping on his own was becoming increasingly difficult.
First meeting and seeking safety
He learned about the Center for Assistance to the Rescued from an acquaintance. By that time there were already panic attacks, high anxiety and suicidal thoughts. But he could not write or call for almost two weeks.
«It was the fear of judgment, condemnation. And at that time it was even shameful. To tell such a thing to another person is very difficult. First of all, you cannot admit to yourself that you really have a problem», – the man shares his memories.
The first meeting with a psychologist at the Center turned out to be extremely emotional. In the very first minutes of the conversation the emotions finally found an outlet. For the first time in a long time the man could tell everything to someone who was ready to help professionally.
«I felt better already after the first session. I shed a piece of that burden. Then we gradually built psychological supports so that I could talk about it more comfortably. And most importantly – the psychologist literally convinced me that I was not to blame for what happened to me. Maximum relief came later, when I was already giving testimony to the investigator. Then my pain found another outlet – the feeling that maybe there will be justice», – he notes.
A step toward justice
At first, there was no question of contacting law enforcement at all. They worked exclusively to stabilize his psychological state. Only after several months of regular sessions did he become ready to take the next step.
«It took me more than two years to go to a psychologist. And going to the police was another huge barrier. But I was always driven by the desire for justice. And we did it», – he says.
For giving testimony the man went together with the Center’s psychologist: «It was extremely important to me that there was someone beside me who understands my condition and can professionally help if I was overwhelmed. The investigator also turned out to be very qualified and compassionate. She did not pressure, she gave time to catch my breath. I asked that only women communicate with me, that was one of the conditions, and I am glad they listened to me».
Currently a criminal case has been opened and is under the control of the SBU. Although the chances of finding the perpetrators under conditions of war are low, for the protagonist the very fact of official recording of the crime became an important stage in freeing himself from the pain.
Reparations and returning to oneself
In addition to psychological support, the Center for Assistance to the Rescued also provided legal support. Before contacting the Center the man knew nothing about the possibility of receiving interim reparations for victims of СНПК. Case managers helped prepare all the necessary documents, and the application was later approved.
Today the man’s condition is much more stable. Although sometimes flashbacks occur, triggered by news or other triggers, he now has tools for self-regulation. He has learned to talk about his experience with those closest to him and continues therapy.
«I understand how hard and scary it may be. But I want to tell people who find themselves in such a situation: cast away judgment and shame. We are not to blame. Under those conditions of occupation we could not protect ourselves. Do not be afraid to go to a psychologist. You will realize that you are much stronger. I understood the main thing: I want to live my life that I love. I don’t want this story to take it away from me», – the man says.
According to the Center for Assistance to the Rescued’s psychologist Maryna Kozeratska, there are many reasons why a person may remain silent about what they experienced for years. After a traumatic experience it can sometimes be physically and psychologically difficult to speak about what happened. There may be fear, shame, guilt, distrust of others or the belief that no one will understand. Sometimes the psyche protects the person from what was too difficult to endure: memories become fragmented, there is a feeling that it happened to someone else. It can be extremely difficult for a person even to admit to themselves: “Yes, this happened to me.” Therefore the path to being able to speak about it can take years. And this does not mean that the person did not want to get help; perhaps at that moment they simply could not talk about it.
«Our task as specialists is not to force, but to create a sufficiently safe space in which the person will be able to do this when they are ready», – explains Maryna Kozeratska.
One of the key principles of the Center’s work is confidentiality. A person should not be afraid that their story will become known to others without their consent.
«At the same time there are separate cases provided for by legislation and professional rules when information can or must be disclosed in a manner prescribed by law; I, as a specialist, always inform about them in advance. It is important to understand: psychological help is not an interrogation. The person themselves determines what they are ready to share and at what pace. My goal is not to obtain the most detailed description of the traumatic event. Sometimes for the work it is enough to talk not about the event itself, but about its consequences: fear, anxiety, sleep problems, relationships, sense of safety or difficulties returning to ordinary life», – notes Maryna Kozeratska.
In the case of this beneficiary, the psychologist was one of the first people to whom he could talk through his experience. He had fears that he would not be believed because there were no proofs or witnesses. Here the Center’s working principle is very important: specialists do not question the story of the person who seeks help. They do not require proving one’s experience to receive support. For the psychologist it was important to create a space in which the person could say what they had been silent about for a long time and not meet with doubt or judgment in response. Sometimes the ability to finally say: “this happened to me” is already a very important step.
It should be noted that contacting the police after a person comes to the Center is not mandatory. This is emphasized by the Center for Assistance to the Rescued’s lawyer Mykola Baluk:
«They can first receive psychological, social or legal assistance, and only then decide whether they are ready to go to law enforcement. We do not pressure; our task is to provide information and help make an informed choice».
Legal support begins with listening carefully to the person and finding out what kind of help they need. Their rights and options are then explained. If the person is ready — they are assisted with documents, filing a report to law enforcement, obtaining victim status and receiving the state-provided assistance.
«Expecting punishment for those responsible for crimes committed in occupied territories today is difficult. Often there is no physical access to the crime scene, and suspects may be on occupied territory. But every such crime must be documented now: the collected evidence can form the basis for bringing perpetrators to justice, even if it does not happen today», – says Mykola Baluk.
About the Center for Assistance to the Rescued
The Center for Assistance to the Rescued works with people who have survived captivity, torture, sexual violence and other forms of war crimes. The team provides comprehensive support:
• psychological assistance (individual and group);
• legal support (from consultation to accompaniment in law enforcement agencies and courts);
• help with obtaining reparations and other forms of compensation;
• humanitarian support;
• case management and long-term support.
All services are provided confidentially.
If you or someone close to you needs help – contact +38 (050) 626-13-79
The Center for Assistance to the Rescued in Kherson was created on the initiative of the Office of the Vice Prime Minister for European and Euro-Atlantic Integration, with the assistance of the Government Commissioner for Gender Policy, in partnership with UNFPA, the United Nations Population Fund in Ukraine, thanks to the financial support of the governments of Austria, Belgium, Spain, Sweden in cooperation with local authorities and the public organization Kherson Regional Center “Successful Woman”